You have a history. You have traumas, injuries, a family history of this or that disease, family issues. You have quirks. You are unique. You are accepted, brave, and beautiful.
If you are aware of and able to get in your feels then you will be less likely to pass on your trauma to your kids. They are watching how you handle your emotions. They also see how other people can dictate your responses or expression.
People around you don't need to know every detail. Even if you lined it out for someone, they can't experience it the way you did. You should never have to apologize for a feeling. I pray that you allow yourself to feel what you feel in the moment. You probably have the habit of stuffing your real feelings at inconvenient times. The last time I did that, it came up with no warning.
I hadn't cried or expressed any grief since my grandmother had died. One Sunday while sitting in church, my eyes just started leaking. I wasn't "crying". It was like someone just turned on the faucet. I wiped as much as I could and made my way to the bathroom where I ended up having a good old sob. Afterward, I felt lighter and sadder. My brain didn't want to process it, but my body needed to and forced up the grief.
I didn't explain what happened to others there. I didn't have to. After I cried, I felt more vulnerable as a wall had been knocked down and I was sitting on the sharp pieces. It was my current truth and one I had no need to share at the time.
My kids have helped to teach me to accept my feelings for what they are and not try to frame them from someone else's perspective. They have learned to communicate their truths to me and even when I don't understand it at the moment, the relationship is better when it is respected. I usually mull it over and try to see it from their point of view so I can prepare for future instances.
In this current craziness, you have permission to stand up for what you need: peace, protection, provision, prayer. If you need to cry, let it out in a safe place. If you need quiet, communicate that to others. I know that too much information all at once without time to process leaves me drained and angry. Learning to tell others respectfully when to stop talking or taking a moment by yourself is very empowering.
If you are overwhelmed, take a moment. Try meditation or stop everything to pray. Get tips here for breathing techniques to try to calm or wake or balance. If you feel too conspicuous or self-conscious doing those things at work or in social situations, get a glass of water. Walk slowly to where it is, take a sip and hold it for 7-10 seconds before you swallow it. Just the awareness of your body stopping for a moment can get you centered.
Here for you on this journey,
Christy
P.S. You are enough. Own it. Display that on one of our new t-shirts.
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